April 15

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that is illuminated becomes a light itself. — Eph 5:13 BSB

Feeling is the first evidence of supernatural life, a feeling composed of two distinct sensations: one relating to God, and the other to self. The same ray of light reveals two opposite things, for “whatever makes manifest is light.” At the same moment, the sinner sees both God and self—justice and guilt, power and helplessness, a holy law and a broken commandment, eternity and time, the purity of the Creator and the filthiness of the creature. These things are not just concepts declared in the Bible; they are experienced personally as realities, affecting all one’s happiness or misery, both now and for eternity.

It is as if a new existence has been given, as if for the first time one realizes that there is a God. One ray of supernatural light, piercing through the veil over the heart, has revealed a dreadful secret: a just God, who will not clear the guilty. This piercing light tears away the false comforts, exposing the inadequacy of self-righteousness. A sudden, overwhelming conviction grips the soul, nearly overshadowing all other thoughts: “There is a God, and I am a sinner before Him.” This truth is written on the heart by the same divine finger that traced those words on the wall of the king of Babylon’s palace, causing his knees to shake in terror (Daniel 5:5-6).

“What shall I do? Where can I turn? What will become of me? Mercy, O God! Mercy! I am lost, ruined, undone! Fool, madman, wretch, how I have ruined my soul! O my sins, my sins! O eternity, eternity!” These and similar cries and groans, though varying in intensity, rise continually from the newly awakened soul at the first discovery of God and self. These feelings take such hold of the heart that it finds no rest except in calling upon God. This is the first sign of the new life breaking through, the first formation of spiritual growth, still hidden but beginning to emerge. These are the first pains of the new birth, before the joyful news is declared: “A child has been born.” The jailer cried out, “What must I do to be saved?” The tax-collector prayed, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” The prophet Isaiah lamented, “Woe is me, for I am undone!”